D.O.T.A.

(Defense of the Ancients, or DotA for short, is an Aeon of Strife-style custom map created for the game Warcraft 3. Originally developed for Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos, the map was later unofficially ported into the Warcraft 3 expansion pack, The Frozen Throne. Currently, several variants of the map exist under the name of DotA.)

When I was addicted to this game, I once said that my studies were destroying my dota games. Words that I don’t want to recall anymore.

It was my last year in high school and I promised once more to stop playing dota. But like my previous promises, they were all broken. This was specially broken when a girl, my friend and classmate (and crush!) asked me to teach her the particulars of the game. Frankly, I was hesitant to teach her as I had promised to quit the game for good but she was simply irresistible to me. Besides, it was a good opportunity to be with my ‘crush’ for most of the time. My heart was freakin’ happy and pumping wild like jumping acrobatics for joy!

In no time at all, she had learned the rudiments of the game faster than I expected. It pays that she was a computer enthusiast. Days and months passed and we were confidently close to each other. She was also improving a lot in her games that she has already beaten me one time. By this time we were starting to challenge more experienced dota players around town.

Meantime, our closeness had grown more intimately. We play, dine and go home together. We were already the subject of the grapevine as in ‘mag-syota na raw kami’. The truth of the matter is we are not, though from my side of the issue, we are almost there.

The hands of time had moved faster until I realized that it’s already the month of March, and suddenly, my fear that our happy moments would end after high school had started to set in. The fear of being separated was aggravated by the fact that I did not pass the entrance exam in the state university where she passed.

“And now, may we call on the graduates to come on stage to receive their diploma”! Oh my.. was that wrong ‘gramming’? Wow, today is graduation day. How time flew so fast. I had mixed feelings of fear, anxiety, apprehension, and what have you. And then the graduation ceremony was over. Everybody was happy. It’s picture-taking time here, there and everywhere. I don’t feel that I’m happy. After the milieu she approached me and invited me to her ‘despidida’ party as she will be leaving in the next few days to go to Manila and enroll in one of the country’s premier state university. Even if I had passed the entrance exam my parents’ income would not allow me to go with her.

That night I did not sleep well. That ‘despidida’ thing kept haunting me. I hate to imagine that she’s leaving our town very soon. These thoughts sustained me till dawn until I heard that the neighbor’s fighting cocks are starting to cuckoo.

I didn’t want to rise from bed. I went to sleep again, woke up, sleep and then woke up again. This time I was imagining what to say to her when we are gathered for her ‘despidida’. Then the big day came. As I was entering their house, I saw that everybody was enjoying the party. There was drinking, shouting, laughing and dancing from every corner of the house. I’d like to shout and say “WON’T YOU STOP PLEASE! YOU SEE, MY BELOVED IS LEAVING AND WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY!??

I was met at the front door by a beautiful lady. Oh she’s the one; I didn’t recognize her as she became more beautiful with the lights changing colors. While we were entering the big receiving room, I felt that time had run slow while my heartbeat had run faster. After eating (I did not drink wine), I was trying to rewind our happy moments together especially while playing dota and hoping against hope that she might change her mind and would not leave.

I dragged her politely to a corner so we can talk more intimately outside the hearing distance of the other guests. While we were sitting down, no words would come out of me; something that I did not understand. Then she was forced to break the silence. She was telling me many niceties and thanking me again and again for making her a great dota player until she stopped when I interrupted to tell what I truly feel for her. I said “I love you and I’m serious about this feeling.” I repeated it twice, thrice but she didn’t say a word. Deep within me I wanted to shout and tell her, “why can’t you say I love you too!” She looked at her watch, stood up to leave and said, “let’s go, they might be looking for us by now.”

Back in the company of the other guests, I realize that it’s time for her to bid goodbye to everyone as it was already getting late. And then she was giving each one a sweet embrace. I was last on the line. While she was approaching me for my most awaited embrace, I felt that time went slow while my heartbeat went faster. I embraced her tightly and tighter as if there was only the two of us in an uninhabited island. Then I said again, “I love you so much”. This time she responded with “I love you too” - words that I had been longing to hear from her. Then I continued to say “Dota was just my means to get close to you, to keep your company, to know you better, and then to express what I feel for you. I don’t mind if this is the last time we can be together. The more important thing to me now is to let you know that I love you. Goodbye my dear, and please take care wherever you are .” Then our embrace started to loosen but I refuse to let her go. She was frisking me away but I held her firmly on one hand and she was shouting at me with my name. She was repeatedly shouting my name until this had grown so loud, it was already irritating to my ears.

When I opened my eyes, still embracing my favorite pillow, I saw that it was my mother calling my name and saying, “bumangon ka na iho, magtatanghali na’t di ka pa nag-almusal.” Ahaays.. bumangon na lang ako sabay bulong.. “nay naman.. sarap ng panaginip ko!”